I know its been a while since I've shared. A lot's happened. I've been pondering the idea of enabling versus helping in many areas of my life. It all came to a head when I re-read my Journal entry from 7/31/10. It said:
Is it arrogance to believe that I can help someone by removing the need for them to fend for themselves? Do I force them off their path by doing for them what they must do for themselves? If I truly believe in the divinity of all humanity, why then do I not trust that divinity? Enabling someone is doing for them the things that they should do for themselves. helping, truly helping is offering support, encouragement, and reminding them of their own divinity, reminding them that they can do for themselves.
So, see my dilemna. I have spent the last several months asking myself, have I done this person a disservice? Should I leave them to figure things out for themselves? Why do I feel I have to do anything? Should I offer or wait to be asked?
This issue is coming in all areas of my personal and professional life. As I take stock of my relationships and feel their impact, I have to question what is the stuff that keeps us together? Have I robbed my family and friends, business associates of their experiences by thinking that I am in some way responsible for them? I know there was a time when I was much more selfish and self-focused. I didn't help unless I was asked and only as much as I was truly willing to give without feeling resentful or put out. somewhere along the line, there was a payoff for helping that feed me more and the more I felt I was doing the more resentful I became and the more dependent the people in my life became. Now it has to stop. It is OK to be selfish. It is alright to think about myself first and take care of myself first. It is OK to wait to be asked for help and not assume that the other person needs assistance. I believe strongly in the divinity that lives in all humanity. I believe that everyone has the power to do for themselves and the ability to ask for help. Even a baby will cry out when they need something.
Does this help?