Monday, August 23, 2010

Maternity waiting room

My husband and I were sitting on the couch a few weeks ago.  I noticed how much food he was eating and how much he loved his cookies.  We were going back and forth with explanations for the changes in his eating habits.  I said to him, " I think you're pregnant". He wasn't that impressed with my assessment.  I said "you're giving birth to a new you".

As I thought about this later, I realized that maybe I was spot on.  Riverwalker press, one of the blogs I follow from time to time talked about this process.  The holding of tension as we patiently and actively wait for the changes in our lives to unfold and make manifest.  I view this process from the standpoint of having been pregnant and waiting through the months of my pregnancy in anticipation of the birth of my children.  I waited and it was anything but passive.  There were things to do while I waited.  I had to eat right, get lots of rest, drink water, make sure I had crackers for the upset stomachs.  As the pregnancy progressed, I had doctor appointments, ultrasounds, blood tests. As I got closer still to their births there were other things that needed to be done.  I bought a crib, bassinet, baby clothes, bottles.  I had a baby shower and my family participated in the preparation.

I can apply this process to anything that I'm working on.  Never once in my pregnancies with my children did I say, "I'm dreaming too big, this will never work", I never once doubted that my baby would be healthy even with my son the premie.  The vision in my mind was always of me holding them and of us doing things together.  I used to talk to my growing belly and tell them how much they were loved and wanted. What if we did the same with our dreams, our goals?  What if we held the vision of the outcome as a family does as they are expecting a child?  What if we never waiver and we stay committed?  I think that's what the process of manifesting is all about.  Declaring what we want to manifest and holding the vision of that outcome and nothing else.  What if we collect evidence of our successes instead of our failures?  What if we promise ourselves that if we do fail, we fail forward?  What if the birth of  the truest version of ourselves is really what life is all about?

I'm going to go and hang out in the maternity waiting room of my next birth. I'm going to remember to be expectant, to be excited, to do the things I need to do to be prepared.  I'm going to practice what it'll feel like when I finally give birth and I'm holding my precious manifestation in my hands.  I'm going to remember who I really am and what I'm really made of.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Does this help?

I know its been a while since I've shared.  A lot's happened.  I've been pondering the idea of enabling versus helping in many areas of my life.  It all came to a head when I re-read my Journal entry from 7/31/10. It said:

Is it arrogance to believe that I can help someone by removing the need for them to fend for themselves?  Do I force them off their path by doing for them what they must do for themselves?  If I truly believe in the divinity of all humanity, why then do I not trust that divinity?  Enabling someone is doing for them the things that they should do for themselves. helping, truly helping is offering support, encouragement, and reminding them of their own divinity, reminding them that they can do for themselves. 

So, see my dilemna.  I have spent the last several months asking myself, have I done this person a disservice? Should I leave them to figure things out for themselves?  Why do I feel I have to do anything?  Should I offer or wait to be asked?

This issue is coming in all areas of my personal and professional life.  As I take stock of my relationships and feel their impact, I have to question what is the stuff that keeps us together? Have I robbed my family and friends, business associates of their experiences by thinking that I am in some way responsible for them?  I know there was a time when I was much more selfish and self-focused.  I didn't help unless I was asked and only as much as I was truly willing to give without feeling resentful or put out.  somewhere along the line, there was a payoff for helping that feed me more and the more I felt I was doing the more resentful I became and the more dependent the people in my life became.  Now it has to stop.  It is OK to be selfish.  It is alright to think about myself first and take care of myself first.  It is OK to wait to be asked for help and not assume that the other person needs assistance.  I believe strongly in the divinity that lives in all humanity.  I believe that everyone has the power to do for themselves and the ability to ask for help.  Even a baby will cry out when they need something.

Does this help?