Monday, November 30, 2009


I know that some women feel somewhat put out when a man stands when they walk into a room or holds the door open for them, leads them into or out of a room and takes their coat at the coat check counter.  I have often wondered why these acts are so offensive to them. I had a wonderful opportunity to spend time with a true gentleman.  He was soft spoken, smiled easily, quick witted, easy to talk to and lots to say, he was kind.  There was no discomfort in his way of being. This is just who he is.  He wasn't trying to impress me, or hit on me, or demean me in anyway. He wanted to hear what I had to say and wanted to share his thoughts as well. It was truly wonderful to meet and spend time with this person.

So ladies, it's ok to be treated like a lady. It takes nothing from us or our abilities.  Yes, I can pull in my own chair, put on and take off my own coat. I can open my own door and ask the waiter for more water or wine.  I can do all those things for myself and it's nice that there are men in the world who feel perfectly comfortable doing all those things for me with no strings attached, no ulterior motive.  I am not less intelligent, or less anything else.  It is simply how I prefer to be treated and I was fortunate enough to spend time with someone today who was perfectly comfortable with my preference.

Someone once told me that the Women's movement did more to harm women than anything else.  I don't know that it did more to harm us.  I think that somehow though our ways of being that were natural to us were undermined in someway. We judged those who wanted to be mothers as somewhat less ambitious.  From the perspective of my present, I can honestly say that I have no regrets in my life. Every thing I 've done has brought me to this moment.  I have often wondered what my now would be like if I wasn't so driven in my career.  How would my now look if I had been a fulltime Mom?  What would my children be like?  Don't get me wrong, we managed to raise 2 successful children but I do wonder sometimes.

I am many things in this world.  I am a mother, a wife, a business owner, a friend, a daughter, a traveller but first and foremost a lady who enjoys being treated as such.  So, I call forth the gentleman in every man.  Chivalry is not dead, its just been on a hiatus.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Beautiful morning beautiful road no traffic
Monster recycling truck pulls out blocking my view, my space
How do I get around it?
Slow moving monster down my still beautiful street

The monster turns where I turn
Goes where I go
I want to be in front of the monster
I want him behind me

New turn, new road, broken yellow lines, no traffic
I rev my engine cross the line
Leaving the recycling truck far behind

“That was easy”, I thought
My views returned, expansive, rolling hills
My space returned, no barriers
Enjoying my beautiful morning, beautiful road

What happened?
I chose what I wanted
Universe responded with clear vision
I acted, no barriers, just action

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Many of the people that know me would probably describe me as unconventional, different, on the fringes.  I would probably echo those comments and add some of my own.  I may even tell myself or say out loud that I don't care what anyone thinks of me or of how I live and that is true to a point.  When it came to my family and the things that affect my children I cared very much what people thought. I did not want to be the reason for my children to stand out from the crowd.  "Yeah, there's so and so she/he has such a weird Mom".  I didn't want to be THAT Mom.  So, I did my craziness at home and had a somewhat benign face for the public. People could tell I was a bit different but it was more interesting at least that's what I think.  I never heard anyone give my kids a hard time because of the choices I made except for once and that was from a particularly racist child so that doesn't count.

When my husband and I separated last year, we spent a lot of time rehashing what happened, why it happened, whose fault it was, how do we fix it, how do we change it?  I went around and around in my head. We fought, we yelled, we screamed.  I used to wait until I got to work to put on my makeup because I would cry all the way to work. I'd arrive at work, duck into the ladies room, put on my game face and get to work.  I could be sarcastic and participate in the male bashing prevalent in many offices.  I'd get into my car at the end of the day and rehash my day and realize the price I paid for my conformity. 

Yeah we were separated but I didn't hate him. I didn't like a lot of the things he did but we have kids that we raised together.  That means something to me.  He still had a key to the house until recently, he would come in and make tea every morning and bring our son to school.  He would come over most nights after work and see him again.  We would hug each other and then he'd leave and go back to his place.  After a while the reasons for the fighting waned and I would think, I could be married like this.  Think about it, I had the best of both worlds.  I had my own space, I had an oasis in my home, I had peace. I could recharge my batteries.  It was great.  There were some things to work out but for the most part we were very much a family.  Not a conventional family with parents living under the same roof, Dad going off the work, Mom staying home and taking care of things.  We're different.  Mom and Dad live in different places and we're happier than we've been in 10 years.  We laugh more and can make fun easier.  We still fight from time to time but we have our own addresses to go to and think and regroup the next day.  We apologize easier and try harder to mean it.  Who says that you have to hate the other person because the relationship is over?  Most times it is the best thing for everyone involved and in time it can lead to much happier people.  So I'm giving myself permission to fully embrace my unconventional nature and fully put the idea of conformity aside.